Doubting yourself by you is the biggest crime you do to yourself and it does harm a lot.
I was in my Second Year Commerce Graduation (Year 2001) and I went for the interview not because I wanted the job but with friend who was looking for a job and since he was, he said me to join and we went to BPO for interview. In the first phase of my interview, I cleared and went to second round of debate discussion and the topic given to me was “Love Marriage Vs Arrange Marriage”. My friend failed the interview and he said since you have cleared, you see what happens in second round. I cleared my second round but was given the tips to improve and then in third round I lost and when I asked why, the reply was “You are good in social but you are bad in English and also other issues and hence you are rejected”. Me and my friend came down and just had Tea (now left Tea long back) and both were dejected. He was dejected as he failed and he wanted the job and I was feeling bad for reasons given to me and we both had different reasons. I went to my home and I was though dejected but not shared with family and after having food and all went to room and I saw myself in mirror and saw for some-time and then I made up my mind as I have habit of speaking to myself a lot anywhere and anytime. This was the first time I had a self-doubt about myself and it was me and my mind and myself came to self-confidence and in Year 2021, that BPO who is now in other services too have become my client and if this you call as self-confidence, I will take.
There is a tendency that anyone having Self-Doubt is a failure and one who think so, for me better leave them and move ahead. In Mahabharata, Arjuna was self-doubting but when Lord Krishna gave the knowledge of supreme and told him about what his rights and duties were, his Self-confidence came and it was purely because Arjuna decided and not Lord Krishna forced Arjuna to do. Arjuna and Lord Krishna are one and same, do you agree, read Mahabharata.
I used to play cricket and have been a good all-round player and I was in 8th standard when I got the chance to play with senior team in my society and it was a 6 team match event. Till I was chosen, me and all others used to play in society and my bowling was far better as batting never used to come but I was a good batter and fielding was no doubt my first choice. At that time I started trying different bowling variations such as of Ambrose, Debasish, Kumble, etc and I was enjoying my variation. In the first match, I was given the second over and I messed up like anything as I bowled different variation and not sticking to my best and since was copying, I gave around 18 runs in an over and then I was not given any over. We won the match but I was self-doubting about my bowling and one Harish my senior came and then all others and said, why you were changing your bowling style and don’t copy and get ready for another match. I made up my mind and did my own bowling in second match and though not took wickets but gave 11 runs in two overs (it was 8 over match) and we won. Self-Doubt became my Self-confidence in hardly 30 minutes and it was all because I realised my mistake and I also I spoke to myself and I agreed copying is not good in any way.
Self-Doubt is though not qualified as disease but it is a prime reason for stress, depression and other mental issues and if not mental health. Today, for many reasons but not genuine reasons and to say majorly useless reasons, majority in youth are having mental issues but trust me majority of them is due to their fault and not to be blamed by anyone.
What exactly is Self-Doubt?
a) It happens when you close your mind and go with others mind
b) It is when you believe in others rather than yourself
c) It is when you make run after something which has value in money and nothing else
d) It happens when you compare with someone
e) It happens when your mind speaks of this words, “Kash”, “But”, “What if”, “I would have been” as this are nothing but comparison negative words
f) If happens when you don’t understand your strength and work on the same
g) It happens when you want to prove others but not yourself
h) 90% it happens when you are for others rather than for yourself
What is making Self-Doubt a biggest concern for today’s generation?
Expectation is the biggest factor which is responsible for Self-doubt and today in youth this expectation is purely due to competition and comparison.
Overthinking is also another problem and the reason overthinking comes when you run away from addressing your own doubts but yes overthinking is the biggest issue. While overthinking might have a good remedial to a certain point but majorly it happens when you doubt yourself and trusts others.
Modern Economy is the real reason behind this Self-Doubt and to say the only reason will not be wrong and incorrect. Modern Economy is making all to run and run and there is no term of settling down in your life and then when end comes, there also Modern Economy plays huge role. Education system is purely set-up taking into consideration the concept of Modern Economy. All are running in this world 24×7 and this running is purely no doubt the outcome of following the principles of Modern Economics. However, to blame the principles of Modern Economics alone will be totally bad and not true also from larger perspective. Human “need” includes “all” but what exactly they need even they are not aware if confronted them. In this time, when due to internet and technology, the local market now covers global market and global market covers local market, humans are still in the race.
How to resolve Self-Doubt?
The day one realises that Success and Happiness are different and the day one realises that Happiness is far superior than Success and when this realisation fits in mind, the whole issue of Self-Doubt will end. But yes, this will never happen as being Humans our wants are increasing and also if not so, then today’s laws and regulations and systems have made the person to do more than its requirements. Self-doubt comes when you are not surrounded by right people and the right people are difficult to find. In my view, this is how you can resolve Self-Doubt?
1] Know “SELF”:
Today the market is very competitive and due to big giants fighting in the market to come on the top, start-ups are just getting thrown away. For ex., there was a start-up in Legal industry who planned to take legal filed online but this big giant fight wherein JIOMEET has almost come to beat everyone with “FREE” at “24 Hours” would have surely broken the heart of that start-up as there is no way they can compete with JIOMEET and this is where being SELF and knowing SELF is important.
How important is the WORD “SELF” is can be realized from just reading the following words with prefix “SELF”:
• SELF CONFIDENT
• SELF RESPECT
2] Speak to Yourself (Self-Talk)
Speaking to yourself is very normal and natural part of Human and may be of other species too. One shall have self-talk for many reasons, including self-criticism, self-reinforcement, self-management, social assessment, problem-solving, and motivation. Infact, Self-Talk for me is the biggest tool to remove Self-Doubt. I was doing my Law and I got 4 KT in one semester in my first year of law and the self-doubt came that this time I may fail. But I spoke to myself as have been doing since very long time and then made my mind assured that lets work little more and then gave 4 KT exams and my another semester regularly and I cleared and thereafter, I did my LLM, MBL and other studies. For me this is purely the best way, Self-talk remove Self-doubt but yes it needs the intention to do so and if there is any intention to do, then ability develops and one achieve the results
3] Don’t Compare with others
Comparison is biggest mystery which everyone knows is bad but still is not able to stop and hence is a mystery. You can find most of the parents are keeping an eye on what other kids are doing and then ensure his/her kid is on top and in this a child loses out. Remember, if Hitler father would have allowed Hitler to do what he wanted, he would not been different Hitler (PS. Ignoring his son’s desire to attend a classical high school and become an artist, Alois sent Hitler to the Realschule in Linz in September 1900).
Comparing is the biggest tool of advertisers in selling their product and making humans to do the same and this is what Modern Economy teaches all about.
4] Avoid Else and be with you
Controlling your desire and Mind is the key to your Self-Confidence. There are many who will force you or tease you or advise you to do what they do. It is upto you to avoid which is not relevant to you and once you do this, you are with yourself and for sure nothing will stop you in being happier and more confident.
5] Just do it
Understanding your relevance and knowing what is good and bad for you, give more efforts and Just Do it, it works and works very largely.
Let me share the perfect example of my office employee, Ms. Kalyani. When she joined, she was from Accountant background and during interview she followed up many times saying I am ready to learn and today she has learned all the skills of being a good and ethical advocate. Earlier she was avoiding to argue the matter before Court and now she is so self-confident that for her sky even is not the limit as there is an intention to do and she just do it.
6] Non-Violence (Ahimsa)
Ahimsa is non-injury in mind, speech, and action towards any creature, detail as under:
• In Mind – not to think maliciously of others
• In Speech – not to use foul language, swear, backbite, or quarrel
• In Action – avoid injury to any person or creature
What qualifies for Non-Violence?
• LOVE with no hate of any kind
• TRUST with no returns
• UNDERSTANDING with patience
• ACTIONS not resulting harm to oneself and others
• RESPECT with no expectations
• FULFILMENT with no exhibitions
• WORK without advertisements
• GAINING KNOWLEDGE for your improvement
• KNOWING LIMITATIONS for your growth
• BE SEFLESSNESS
• LISTENING not just to answer
Non-Violence is actually the Booster to your win at all the time for the reasons that those who practice and understand non-violence will always have a great sense to act as per the situation. Non-Violence is nothing but an act to keep you with you and sharing the limitation as a boundaries and one who knows its limitation has greater chances of success. Here limitation is not meant of you not dreaming beyond but knowing what is relevant in all aspects.
Jain Agam speaks of Sayam i.e., Restrain. Sayam is the answers to all the problems which is happening in today’s world. Just imagine if we have Restrain policy in all our acts and other acts, things will change and so also the situation and in turn we too. A Soul whose “Mind” is not “Balanced” will never end as happy person and if the person is happy, he is successful.
It’s OK to live life others don’t understand and neither you shall make them understand.